Graduation Day

It was a windy day, blowing our cape as we felt oh so powerful and proud, the feeling of becoming nearly the crème de la crème. The rebellious wind found a friend in me and I fighting against it, adjusting my toppling hat (or Mortarboard as they call them here) was climbing the Church (yes my Graduation was held in a larger than life Cathedral) stairs, waiting to see my friends. I was so excited to go inside and be felicitated for my achievements on this day, my graduation ceremony. The hustle and bustle in the Cathedral hall was unbelievable to me, I pinched myself *ouch*. Yes !! I was here and it was like Deja-vu for my mind because i had dreamt of this day when i was 15 unaware it will come true. Subconsciously I had chased it all throughout for 10 years to get to this day but I was still amazed that I made it come true.
I was going to turn 25 and this was my best gift to myself. I wanted to be 3 things Independent, Loved and Employed. That winter of 2011, I had achieved all the three "Independence" from conservativeness, "Love" in its most passionate and magnanimous form and "Employment" in an IT multinational.

You might reckon that in this glorious moment I might have went berserk with happiness !! No that sadly did not happen. I know many people might not have felt this feeling and perhaps is very difficult to get a grasp of what I am going to say next. Yes I wasn't happy on that day, because another unthinkable thing happened on the way to achieving Independence, Love and Job somehow I missed my family more than ever. I had never in my wildest dreams thought that this would happen. Yes !!! There i said it !! I missed my family, My Dad, My Mom and my little sister. And I said to myself "How I wish you were here and How I could see the pride on your face" !! I felt some emptiness inspite of getting what I thought I wanted most in my life. But today I wanted them the most, wanted them to be there to share my happiness and never had realisation struck me so bad..

Purani Jeans (Old Jeans)

Last night I was rearranging my wardrobe.you may ask why ? Because it is every woman's favourite pass time and also because I had ransacked my wardrobe to find a denim shorts and i was unsuccessful to find them.
I decided to rush to the movie, The Great Gatsby and tidy up later when I am back home. So here I am tidying up my wardrobe and folding away different types of pants, trouser or the likes of it. I glanced upon an old pair of jeans, and lot of memories came rushing to my mind. I had almost forgot about this jeans and when i lifted it to fold it and put it away, the very touch of it sent me back into the times I used them regularly.
I used them so often and even today the softness was intact, the color, the feel everything same. I wished more and more things in our life remained the same for a longer time but Sigh !!
I always take pride in a very good old pair of jeans, even though their cut and fit are out of date or not in style anymore, common who are we kidding they were comfortable, they key factor in Style.
You may ask why I am so attached to a old pair of jeans and pushed me into writing about it. Well the life changing movie i saw last night, The Great Gatsby, I learned a lesson for life, when your thoughts don't let you sleep, wake up and write away to glory.
So I decide to pen my thoughts to rest. It symbolised loyalty for me, this very pair of jeans. 2 years ago, a certain cousin M mocked me for overusing them and even wearing them to sleep. I had wished that moment to tell him that I felt cold in london winter and could not afford to buy warm clothes, but all I could manage to say is, They are comfortable !
Such is irony of life, I now stand in front of my wardrobe every night staring at a stack of warm clothes, deciding which one to wear ! And that very cousin M wears same clothes everyday to sleep and travels and lives out of a rented van to make a living.
Not that i wished any bad upon him, only observed it last night. We often belittle people and not realise Karma will strike back at us one day and undo all the hurt caused. Yes the hurt caused is now undone and am free of any pent up emotions against anyone, because Life has been beautiful so far and God has been very kind to me.

NEVER AGAIN
Ok, terrorists, you win: I’ll never do it again.
I’ll never pass up the opportunity to participate in the biggest, highest-profile races
I’ll never forfeit a chance to celebrate the human spirit through shared experiences
I’ll never have regrets about my individual performance – I’m blessed to be out there
I’ll never forget the outpouring of love your cowardice has prompted
I’ll never take my health, fitness or family for granted
I’ll never forget Boston 4/15/2013
Thanks for opening this blind man’s eyes
-Erich Manser

This are the words of a Man who escaped the wrath of Boston Marathon bombers. I write to express what a winner he is and how blessed he is and this proves that God exists. I believe he must have been saved so he can live and tell tales and write courageous words for the victims and deceased. He has set an example for us all, don't be let down by Life and other happenings around you. Every time that we are knocked down by haters and terrorists we gotta dust ourselves up and get back in the race of life.
Very touching and yet motivational, thoroughly loved these words. I would like to quote Erich Manser as a closing note -
 “You don’t need eyesight to have vision”

Of all the nights I have cried myself to sleep tonight seems to be unfathomable,
There have been nights like this before,
There have been tears in my eyes before,
Never too hurt to stop consoling oneself,
but tonight seems to be something different,
tonight heart seems to feel hurt but eyes are not willing to shed tears,
why you may ask,
wish i had the answer to that,
maybe the lack of a caring hand to wipe my tears away,
maybe the lack of a hopeful word to sway me into a happy daze,
maybe I care too much,
maybe I am hurt too easily,
maybe because I am a woman, hurt and misunderstood !

When He hurts me ..

His words pierced my heart like hundred blows by a cold dagger,
I wish he would have thought, before he said those hurtful words.
Wish I had thought well before I put myself out there for him,
Wish I hadn't got carried away by empty promises,
promises whispered in my ears assuring me of an everlasting love;
It took only a glance through his deep penetrating eyes to arrest my wandering gaze,
It took only 3 words to quench my soul longing for love,
It took only a touch of his caring hands to caress my wounded heart,
The touch which i always long for, was the one which could heal an ailing soul.

And today I stand here feeling nothing for him in this very moment,

Will you please tell me why ?

I wonder if he knows what I feel after all this time....